During the game, I made a lead that gave him a problem. After pondering for a few minutes he said, "I'd like to pour my drink on your wig."
It’s no secret that I prefer wearing a wiglet to struggling with my own skimpy hair, but I didn’t appreciate his comment. As we set out for another round of golf the next day, I quoted what he’d said the night before, expecting him to tell me again that I was too sensitive. Instead he apologized, said he couldn't believe he'd said such a thing, and admitted he could be pretty unbearable at times. He also said he's been biting his tongue a lot lately. .
“And oh, that chandelier!” he said to a group of us at a party, shaking his head as if it were an ornate affair in terrible bad taste.
That very same Barney whose boastin’ and blarney
Enlivened Pat Finnegan’s bar.
One evenin’ he stood with his foot on the rail
Swiggin’ suds with a crony or two
When over his flagon his tongue started waggin’
As only old Barney’s could do!
“The beam of me flashlight is powerrful strrong!
Bein’ nimble and skinny, I bet I could shinny
That beautiful beam to the moon!
“I dare ye to try!” was his crony’s reply.
“Your flashlight’s a good one,” he said.
“But I’m doubtin’, old timer, you’re able to climb `er
As far as the top of me head!”
Well, flashlight in hand, Barney quitted the bar
With a dignity pickled in rum;
He turned on the switch with his thumb.
Then handin’ the flashlight to Michael Muldoon,
Who pointed it into the night,
O’Marr, very solemn, took hold of the column . . .
And clambered the beam out of sight!
No doubt he'd have reached either Venus or Mars,
That's all the steam I'm letting off for now. Gotta keep some in reserve for future scrimmages.
And if they're Mr. Harper, they're not that easy to lose. I recently gave notice in unvarnished terms. He called a few hours later, wanting to know if I'd like to see "The Pirates of Penzance."
The next day Bradley said, "Ted used to wear an earring, didn't he?"
When I saw Bradley on the course a few days ago, he asked if I was interested in playing winter golf before he moves to Los Angeles. Dumbfounded, I just shook my head. The man never gives up, even when he has a fiancée.