Thursday, July 20, 2017


B  I did something dumb today.  I was trying to get to the dressmaker before she closed, and I saw a parking space, and there was a man sitting in the car behind my parking space, so I drew up and started backing in. 
    And all of a sudden, along come these fire engines, clanging away, and I'd already started to back in, so I hurried a little backing in, and I nudged him.  And I looked in the rearview mirror and saw he wasn't about to accept it gracefully.  He's getting out of the car, and he's annoyed. 
J  Until he saw you, I'm sure. 
B   Oh well, I thought, I'll just turn on the charm. So I started saying, "Gee, I'm awfully sorry,"  and he said, "Well, gee, it's too bad you don't know how to park a car."
J   He said that?  Those were his words?
B   Yes, and he was kind of cold and sarcastic, and I said, "I was a little nervous about those fire engines going by." Then he softened and he said, "Well, you know, I can understand that."  He pointed out that he had these special kinds of bumpers, and I said, "Oh, are they something you had put on, or did the car come with it?" and we had a very nice conversation.
    He ended up being nicer than he intended to be.  It just shows that if you don't get mad back at somebody, or disagreeable back, and just keep smiling and being humble, people respond.
J  (laughing)  This is your forte.
B   I went across to the dressmaker's, and when I came out he was still sitting there.  So I walk over to my car and look at him, and I cross my heart like this to let him know he doesn't have to worry. 
    He says, "I'll back up a little and give you a little room."  I said, "I need half a block."
J   So you had him in the palm of your hand.
B   Yeah.  Had him in my pocket, [Right, right.] as that guy said in the article you didn't like. 
J   I knew I wouldn't.  We don’t see eye to eye on articles.  
B   I want to go to Elsa’s party.  And I don’t want to go without you.
J   Well, if you want to go, and you don’t want to go without me, it looks like I’m going.  If I know you.
B   Now, just a minute, Jack. 
J   Now, just a minute, Jack. If I know me, I’m a cinch. What will I wear?
B   Ed says he's going to wear slacks and a shirt.
J   That's what I'll wear then.  If it’s good enough for Ed . . . What the hell has Ed got to do with it?
B  He’ll be there. He says he’ll shake hands with you, of course, but he’ll have a poisoned pin in his.
J   I’ll wear gloves.  What time?
B  It’s supposed to be from one o'clock on.  Maybe you could join me there about four.
J  What do you mean, join you there?
B  So you won't miss the tennis on TV.  I know you want to watch it. 
J  You're a vixen.
B  That's a terrible word!
J   Vixen?  No, it isn’t.
B  Shall we look it up?
J  Yes, go ahead and look it up. 
B   Here it is: a she‑fox.  A shrewish, ill‑tempered person.  Now, only of a woman."
J   Right.  Beautiful.   I like that.  There may come a time when it would be fitting.
B  Are you suggesting  I’m a shrew?  
J   Not me.  I like it here, lady.  
B   That’s better.  Kathie said of course the party will be kind of hard on Dad.  It’s too bad Jack is so good-looking. 
J    I thought she’d say, It’s going to be hard on Jack, he’s not going to know anybody.  It’ll be a lot harder on Jack than it’ll be on dear old Dad.
B   Well, you’ve met the Remicks—[Oh come on, I don’t know anybody.]—and Daisy and Bill Rogers.  [I’m not one for talking small talk.]  You are, too!  I never knew anybody that was better at it than you are.  You can small talk with anybody and everybody.
J    Get outta here!
B   I’ve never seen you stand around not saying anything.  I remember the lady at the doughnut shop.  You talk with everybody, Jack.
J   The lady at the doughnut shop?  [When I flew you to Martha’s Vineyard.]  Oh, that lady.  Well, I had to tell her about you.  I wanted to be sure she noticed. That Vineyard thing was great. 
B   Remember how I set up the tripod and set the timer and ran for your lap?  I also want you to see Grace and Gene Portas' Migis Lodge in Maine.  And Fort Lauderdale.  If Ed pressures me to go to Florida again,  I could stay on after he leaves and  meet you at the airport.
J   How is it going to be between you and Ed now?
B   I have no idea. 
J   Well, aren’t you going to have anything to say about it? Jesus!  
It’s up to him.  His relationship with Marilyn isn’t getting any better.  He says she’s pretty, and she’s popular, she’s dating lots of men, he doesn’t know whether she’ll date him very often or not.
J   I keep wondering —is Ed going to . . . I suppose he is.  Is he going to be able to take girls down there from time to time, and then take you down there?  
B   He might.  The only way I can imagine that he’d stop wanting to see me is if he finds somebody he falls in love with.  He’s not happy.  But if the time came. . . like suppose it worked out with Marilyn, then I think he’d let go.  
J   Well, if this Marilyn were more available than she is, I wonder if that would do it.
B   It might.  But he still seems to feel an attachment to me—
J    Of course he does.  But I don’t understand.  If it isn’t reciprocated . . .  
B    I respond to his needing me and caring about me after all these years.  And I'd hate to say to him, buzz off, just keep sending that check every week.  It seems cruel to shut the door in his face if he wants to see me . . .
B  {humming during meal preparation} "I never promised you a rose garden."  I used to think of that song when my marriage turned out not to be a rose garden.
  You had a right to expect one. Everybody does.  Everybody expects it to be as great as the reason for getting married.
B   My reasons weren't so great.  I would have liked to finish college.
J   You didn't miss a thing, dear.  You're a college graduate if I ever saw one.
B   Do you like a lot of mayonnaise on your potato salad?  With olives on the top?  Jack?  
(J  disappears for awhile)
B   Where'd you go? 
J   Just, just nowhere.
B   What'd you do?
J   Not much.
B   You sound like one of my kids.  Oh, I know what you've been up to.  Why, Jack, why?  You know every one of those you smoke means you're depriving us of another minute.  Maybe I should smoke, too, so we'll go together.
J   With those 19‑year‑old lungs of yours, the doctor said?  Hah!  You'd have to stay up all night smoking.  I'd have to keep feeding them to you. . . .  Did you ever listen to "If I should lose you"?  
B  "If ever I should leave you," you mean?
J   No, "If I should lose you."  I like the words, "I was living a dream but living would seem in vain if I lost you."
B   When I was in the Loony Bin, the same refrain kept coming back over and over in a sad way.  It seemed to be my voice, but with all this orchestration behind it.
J   What was it?
B   "So long, it's been good to know you."
J   I can't imagine a lot of orchestration behind it.
B   You wouldn't believe how beautiful the music was and how beautiful and awful the visions I had.  Some of them were fascinating, and I was spellbound.   Others were terrifying.
J   It sounds macabre.
B   I don't know how such things could come out of one's sub-conscious.  Images you would never conceive of with your conscious mind.  
J   What else is there to that song besides those words?
B   So long, it's been good to know you.  That was all I heard.   Over and over again. 
B   Don't they look delicious? 
J   They sure do.  Are they cooked?
B   Of course they're cooked.
J   They look so pale.
B   That's what happens to shrimp when they're cooked.  Did you see them before they were cooked?  [No.]  They were green.  When they're cooked they get—ow!  They're definitely cooked.  And you don't want to cook them too long or they'll be—
J    Aren't they going to be chewy and like rubber?
B   They would if I cooked them any longer..    
J    So they're not going to be rubbery.  Can you get gout from eating rich food like this?
B   People haven't gotten gout since the Dark Ages.  Stop worrying!  
J    Hey, easy with that elbow.  Someday you're going to elbow me right out of existence.  I had an uncle that got gout from eating rich food.
B   What?
J   I adore my Barb. 
B  {humming}  "So long, it's been good to know you...."
J   You're going to sing that to me?   I can't believe that you like me as much as you say you do. These things are only supposed to last for a matter of months, you told me.
B   A woman wrote a book that said the ideal time was three months.  Three months might be enough for any Tom, Dick and Harry, but not for Jack.
J    You should always sit beside that window.
B   I shouldn't.  I should sit in the dark because I haven't slept for so long.  I was hoping you'd get here when it was dark. 
J   Your skin shines . . . It's tight, it's just beautiful.   I’d like to get married to that skin.
B   That’s a scary idea.  Man marries skin, dumps woman.
J   I'd like to know, just know that we were married. It seems then I’d have something nobody could take away from me.
B   I like the idea of it.  I love the idea of it.  But getting married seems to change people in ways that aren't good.
J   It would mean nothing to anyone except me.
B   Well, it might mean something to me.   
J    It would mean nothing but good things to you, honey. What could I do?  I couldn't say, "Listen you, this is what you're going to have to do."  That's ridiculous.
B   Why don’t we have a little private ceremony of our own?  Sign our initials in blood, carve our initials in a tree.  [No, no.]  No?  That won't do?
J   That would do if you didn't want to say I do. 
B  We'd feel different.  Once you sign that piece of paper . . .
J    No, no, I'd have the ceremony unsigned.  I wouldn't insist that you sign anything, dear.
B   I might object to your bowling once a week, for instance.  I'd say, Hah!  A likely story. You're just setting a precedent, so you'll have an excuse to get away for the night, the way you guys do. 
 J   That wouldn't happen. 
B   Maybe you'd meet somebody you liked a lot. [Get outta here.]  Well, you might. People do.
J   Not my kind of people.   Every time I think of anything that's worth mentioning, I associate you with it. 
B  Me too.  Once you've shared a year together, you always have something to talk about. You know each other's associations and friends and families.
J   And feelings.  I look at you and get feelings I never had before. 
B   Those were good feelings Sunday morning.  When I platonicized you, as you called it.  
J   The thing I remember . . . I looked down at you, and you looked different than you ever looked before.  Your look stayed with me.  Then we discussed the world situation.  We discussed some vital issues.
B   Oh yes, we sailed through that conversation beautifully.  Not a single disagreement. 
J   That’s a record, isn’t it?
J   I was looking at a sweater today.  I guess you might call it a masculine low-cut, and I can't imagine me wearing anything underneath it, and I could just see my gray hair poking out, so I didn’t buy it.
B   You could wear a shirt. 
J   No, I don't like to wear anything under a pullover sweater.  I just don't.
B  You should, especially a V‑neck. It would look great‑‑I can just picture it with an open‑neck shirt, like a short‑sleeved sport shirt . . .
J   This was a white sweater, Barbara.
B   I don’t care what color it was, I never ever saw anybody wear a tennis sweater or a V‑neck sweater without a shirt under it.  Ever.
J   I know it.  But that doesn't mean I'm about to wear something under my sweater.
B  When I first knew Ed, he used to come over, and he wore this black sweater inside out that had a big orange W on it for Weslyan, where he went to college.  I absolutely hated the way it looked, but for months and months he'd come over with just a pair of slacks on and that sweater.  I found out years later that he was proud of it because he was a swimmer at college, and he'd gotten his letter, and this was the way the guys wore it, inside out as a sign of their humility, but they were really very proud of it.  So he thought he was the heighth of something that should impress a young lady when he visited her in that sweater.  I hated it.
J   I think any kind of a pullover should have nothing under it.
B  You'll have to show me an example in a magazine or in real life.
J   I will.
B  I can picture it on a girl who's showing off her figure, but I can't picture it on a man, Jack. It would be unmanly.
J   Like heck.  It's superflous to wear something under a pullover.
B  It is meant for tennis.  You would be wearing it incorrectly.  It would be like wearing sneakers with a tuxedo.
J   Oho, it's not that bad, is it?
B  It would be like when Elsa and I used to go around the golf course in our sneakers.  We didn't give a damn.  We'd wear our tennis dresses for an hour of tennis and then play golf in our sneakers.
J   This is what I have to put up with for being wrong, right?  [mixed laughter]  I’m glad you don’t have a hairy chest under that sweater.
B  Otherwise do you like the effect?  
J   I always like your effects.  I was thinking of a song tonight in the shower. That our love was too hot not to cool down.  You know the one.  It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.  I hope it never applies to us.
B   It won't.  I was telling Kathie about “Something” when we were shopping in Touraine's. 
J  What did you tell her, dear?
B  About “Something.”  There was music in the background, and "Something" came on, and I said, "That's our song." Then I told her a little bit about some of our difficulties.  She said, "Well, you jerk, I thought you weren't ever going to let yourself get in this kind of a bind.  You were not going to see anybody more than two or three times a week, and all that stuff," so I said, "Listen, they're playing our song," and “Something” came around again.
J   What was the song? 
B   "Something." 
Oh, I get it!  That is ours, Barbara.
B   The other morning I was singing in the shower, and I can see why people like to do that.  I'm singing "Dulcinea," and I don't sing any words except "Dulcinea," and it sounded great.  There must be a sound‑ box effect with the water going.  It sort of amplified my voice and bounced it around inside.  When I stepped out, all of a sudden it sounded like nothing.
J   I don't believe that.
B   Yes, there was nothing there.  My mother used to practice her singing in the bathroom.  She’d go in there and turn the faucet on— . . .
J   Do you know how great it is to love you, Barb?
B  Jaack. 
J   I’m sorry. Talk about your mother.  Go ahead. 
B  She explained to us kids that the running water simulated the hum and rustle of an audience.  She'd do her scales‑‑I can hear her now in the bathroom, up and down the scale, and practicing her songs.
J   I wish I’d heard you singing in the shower.  You affect me even when we’re not together.  All I have to do is think of you, and bingo.  Which is good.  It's part of the action.
B   Do you ever get a funny feeling in the pit of your stomach?
J   Only when I'm not sure of you.
B   I do, sometimes when I think of you.  I get that funny feeling.
J   Without you, I'd have to start all over again from the very bottom, and I'd hate that. 
B   I'd just give up, 'cause I know nothing could ever be as good again.  I'd devote myself to good works, like my volunteering.
J   Well, maybe you're capable of doing that.  I'd have to end up with a woman, somehow. 
B   Of course you would.  Before Ed and I split up, I was progressing pretty well with my photography. I'd get so enthralled in the dark room, I'd lose track of the time. Then I'd apologize to him for coming to bed so late. I'd rather go back to that than to anything other than you. 
J   Back to Ed?
B    No.  No, no, no. I mean if I didn't have you, I'd enjoy the photography.
J    The ten months before I met you, after Marie. . .  they were lonely months.
B   I didn’t know how lonely I was until you filled the void.  I never met a guy I wanted to see a second time, and then you came along and I couldn’t get enough of you. Jean Sears said, "Do you still like this Jack?" and I said, "I love him."  She said, "Well, why don't you get a divorce and get married?"  And I said, "Because I'm happy the way I am."
J   'Cause I want to continue to love him.  It's that simple.   Do you have a half smiling feeling most of the time?
B   A whole smile.  I'm driving to the market with a sappy smile on my face.  Jack, do you fasten your seat belt when you’re not with me?  
J   I'm afraid not, and I'm sorry I don't because I don't want to shorten my time with you.
B   Like that night you gave up cigarettes, so we'd have a longer time together.
J   I don't believe‑‑and I sound like Rosalie when I say this‑‑I often think that I shouldn't. . . [Shouldn't talk about Rosalie?]  No, no, not at all.  Rosalie is a person that has no bearing on my life any longer.
B   Then how does she come into this?  You said, "I don't believe" and then you said, "Now I sound like Rosalie."
J   Because she said one time, "I didn't think the good Lord would make me pregnant again.” 
B  And the good Lord made her pregnant seven times. 
J  That's the way I feel about smoking, and that's just as ragtime as she is. 
B  'Cause you don't think the good Lord . . .
J   I don't think the good Lord would let me die, as important as you are to me.
B  It doesn't work that way. 
J   No, I know it doesn't.  But I feel I'm unique—[Oh Jack.]—which is ridiculous, too.
B  Sometimes I have . . . I shouldn't even have these thoughts, but every once in a while I have a vision of one of us visiting the other in the hospital.  [Oh, I wish you wouldn't.]  It's because I know I drive too fast.  I'm always in a hurry, but at least I wear my seat belt.
J   The worst thing in the world to me would be to say, "I don't want Barb to visit me in the hospital" and have her not believe I  mean it.  To see me that way would be horrible.
B   Okay, so if I'm in the hospital, you can't come to see me.    
J   Well, I. . . barring accidents, I don't mean that.  I mean I'd hate having you see me not at my best, such as it is.
B   Let's forget it.  It's too depressing.  But I wish you'd wear your seatbelt.  If Kathie had been in the front seat instead of taking a nap, she'd have been wearing hers. 
J   It's nothing to dwell on, angel.
B  I know, okay, all right.  But why don't you wear yours?
J   I guess I’m sure I won't be more protected if I wear a seatbelt.
Why are you sure?  There are statistics.  You don't believe in statistics?
J   I don't believe I'm one of them. I'd hate to go through life thinking I’m going to be a statistic. I lack whatever it is that makes you sensible about seatbelts.
B   It’s common sense, Jack.
J   No use talking to me, is there?  There really isn't because I will always insist that I am an exception, that I won't die of cancer or anything else bad.  I just hope it's not premature. I think to die, knowing there were years when I could have been with you. . . .
B  Let's talk about something cheerful.  That's the end of the wine, huh?
J   Mm‑hm.   I bought a bottle and I took it home and I had some.  [Before you came here?]  Well, just a little. 
B   No wonder you're ahead of me. Now I understand where all these compliments have been coming from.  From that bottle, that’s where.
J   Paying you compliments has nothing to do with my drinking wine.
B   How much did you have?  [Just a glass, that's all.]  You fortified yourself before coming out to face the tiger.
J    Not really, tiger.    
B   Hey, I had a marvelous idea.  You know how Miette's breath is, and lots of other dogs. 
J    I never knew lots of other dogs.
B   I think it's a fairly common problem.
J   Yeah, haha.  You'd like to think so.
B   Oh, come on, you're ruining my marvelous money making idea.  I thought I'd write to the Carnation people, who make Mighty Dog, and suggest that they add chlorophyll to their product.
J   Chlorophyll?  You'd need something stronger than chlorophyll for that dog you have.
B   Add whatever it is that's in this powder I spray into her mouth.  Then they could say, "Mighty Dog, Tiny Breath" in their commercials. In addition to getting all the protein etcetera. etcetera, your dog's breath will be terrific.  Terrifically good, I mean.
J   It will be docile.
B   I don't think she's the only dog in the world with horrible breath.
J   Listen, for the size of that dog, if she's within 50 feet of me, I can smell her. 
B   You haven't known that many dogs, have you?  Up close?
J   I haven't, no.  But I generally expect it to be a larger dog that I'm smelling, if you follow me.  I can never believe she’s that far away, and I can smell her.
B   I mustn’t forget to bring the camera on our weekend.
J   I wish you wouldn’t. 
B   I want to get a close-up of your mouth. 
J    Do you mean with your camera or with your mouth?  With your mouth I’d be very generous.
B   You’d cooperate, then?   
J   You take unfair advantage, Barb. 
B   I like to look at you.   Look at your profile, your full face, your other profile.
J    My scar side is a better side.
B   I got a good picture of you driving the car, and that isn't the scar side.
J   You didn’t get the best.  You’re going to have to drive from now on.  Are those your new snapshots?
B   Yes, take a look.  I was sorry I didn’t get one of you with your photogenic teeth.  Now, this one, you say, is not your favorite side.
J   I don’t know what my favorite side is.  Jesus, I’ve looked high and low, and I can’t find a favorite side.  
B   There are a lot of college age guys calling Community Sex Information and complaining that they feel used by women.  It used to be the other way around.
J   Oh, come on, I don’t believe that.
B   It’s true.  They feel that with sexual freedom the way it is, girls just use them for their bodies.
J   I don’t think girls have changed that much.
B  Somebody connected with a college said they were surprised at the number of guys who were coming in with the same complaint girls used to make.  They say,“These girls I go out with, I’m hoping to build a relationship, and they just use me.”
J   What do you mean, they use you?  Any guy that will say that about a woman, there’s something wrong with him.
B   You mean you think the guy should be satisfied with one-night stands or two or three nights?
J   I don’t think any guy should say that a woman used him.  I think it would be feminine.
B    Maybe he doesn’t express it that way.  I’m just saying that what these fellows were complaining about was very similar to what girls used to complain about.  
J   What girls used to complain about—that’s exactly what I’m saying.
B   They’re trying to build a real relationship . . .
J    If it’s exactly what women used to say, men shouldn’t be saying it.
B   Not necessarily.  We’re all human beings.   Nowadays we try to get away from this drawing of lines . . .
J   I’m not trying to get away from it, angel, you are.
B   These are artificial lines.  [Oh baloney, I don’t agree with you.] The lines that they used to draw were ridiculous, like the double standard.  It’s okay for a man to go out and screw around—
J   No, no, no, dear, don’t say that, I don’t mean that.  I mean a man should maintain the masculinity of the two.  A man shouldn’t say I’m being used by a woman.  [Even if he feels used?]  I think he should be flattered that he’s being used. 
B   Maybe he’s a human being who would like a real relationship as much as you do.
J   I would never complain about being used.  I might think about it, but I would never complain about it.
B   These guys, apparently it troubles them enough—[Oh, they’re soft, they’re feminine.]  It bothers you that they don’t stick to the lines you draw.  [Of course I draw lines, you’ve got to draw lines, angel.]  No, you don’t!
J   Of course, you do.  If you are male and there’s a female, the line’s drawn.
B   We’re human beings.  We all have similar feelings about things.  Maybe they don’t say, “I’m being used,” maybe what they say is, “I’ve had a problem lately when I’m going out with girls.  I get to like one, and sure, she wants to go to bed with me, and the next thing I know she’s off with some other guy, and I was hoping we'd get to know each other better.   Is there something wrong with me?” 
J   Yes, there’s something wrong with him.  [Why?]  Because he’s not capable of keeping them interested; he’s too feminine, evidently.
B   The thing is that because of birth control, the pill and all that, the girls are getting so that they—[Well, he should recognize it.]—feel they can be promiscuous if they want to.  But a guy can be hurt by this behavior, just as girls used to be hurt.  He could be very attracted to a beautiful girl—[Why not, it’s easy.]—who felt like sleeping with him, but all right, now I’ll try some other guy next.  I’ve had this one, I know what he’s like.
     If he’s a sensitive fellow, it doesn’t mean he’s feminine, it might be he’s just a sweet guy like you, who would find himself really beginning to care about her, and next thing he knows, she’s out of the picture.  
J   Okay, okay, okay.  So he should have recognized it.  If he doesn’t have enough to hold her, he should recognize it and accept it.
B   It’s a developing pattern in colleges.  You can’t say that all of a sudden, all these guys are turning into pantywaists.  [I don’t say that.]  This is a cultural change.
J   I don’t think a guy should complain about it, though.
B   Well, it hasn’t happened to you.  You’re not of that generation.  You are not where there are girls on the pill who can flit from guy to guy the way guys used to love `em and leave `em.  They might just happen to like variety.  And you might just happen to get hurt by it because you are a sensitive guy.
J   Yeah, but I’d recognize it, Barb, I would.
B   Well, all right, you’re saying that you’re smarter as a man than girls are as women.
J   Well, I’m smarter as a man than these guys that are complaining about being used.
J   You just grab things out of the sky, don’t you.  [No!]  Yes, you do, 98% you said.
B   Well, maybe not 98%, but I’m sure it’s over 90%. 
J   Why are you sure of that? 
B  If there’s any research on the subject. if there’s anything that’s been studied for years and years, we just ignore that.  Funny the way people waste their lives trying to fool other people.
J   You’ve gotta make it appear worthwhile. To make your  point.
B   It’s hard to believe that anybody as different, shall we say, as you, could be so perfect for me.
J   I don’t think you’d like a guy that—
B   I accept it as being the way things are. When I was first married, as I learned about sexuality, I figured okay, Ed must have done this, and then I read the Kinsey Report.  I can remember saying to him when we were in our 20s that I’d read many married men masturbated.  And I asked him if he did.  [And he did?]  He said, well sometimes I get to thinking of you in the office and yes, I go in the men’s room and I do.  But he had this funny look on his face, and of course what he was really thinking was, boy, if she ever knew some of the things I’ve done that are a lot worse than that.
J   Is it considered manly?
B   Well, I don’t think it’s considered unmanly, Jack.  I think it’s considered natural.  As natural as blowing your nose, sneezing, scratching an itch—
J   OH-HO, you think so, you really think so?
B   Or enjoying a lobster dinner.  [You really think so.]  No, no, I’ll take that back.  I’d say it was like eating a handful of peanuts.  The lobster dinner is more like screwing.
B   What do you think of this Mills suicide?  [Who?]  Congressman Mills, from Maryland.  [Gee, I don’t know.  I hadn’t heard.]  Here’s the Globe.  This is the second death connected with the Watergate hearings.  Mrs. Hunt was the first.
J  Why do you say “connected with the Watergate hearings”?  It says here that he failed to report a $25,000 contribution to his ’71 congressional campaign.  But you don’t commit suicide because of that. 
B   No, you don’t, do you.?  So maybe he knew something.
J   There’s a thousand things it could be besides that, Barbara.   This guy could have a personal life.
B  Wait till you read Mark Lane after I die.  Wait till you read his story.  Wait till you read about these deaths.  Wait till you read that Esquire article over thereon the coffee table, the 25 or 29 or whatever it was people that died. There’s a thousand ways—well, they weren’t all suicides, there were a lot of them that happened to fall off of bridges or they died under perfectly natural circumstances.  It was just surprising how many of them happened to have information they could have given on the Kennedy assassination.
J  Who said they had information?
B  They did.  [Oh bull.]  And that’s why there were a lot more people after that who said they had.
J  So they killed themselves because they had information.] 
No, they didn’t!  They got killed, they got murdered, and this is why McCord—
J   Oh, this is murder.  I thought you were talking about suicide.
B  That’s what I’m saying.  I don’t think this is a suicide.  And I don’t think McCord wants to go to jail for a year because he’s afraid he won’t live through it.  He knows too much about the CIA and how it operates.
     You know that Mrs. Hunt died [Yes, I heard that last night.] that distributed all this money.  She knew quite a bit.  Margaret Mitchell has said she’s afraid for her life.  You know that.  Of course, she’s a nut.  We all know that. 
 J   I thought you were serious about the first nut, now I’m not so sure.  Where does it say he’s involved in Watergate?  [On Page twenty-two.]  You don’t know that he is, Barbara.
B   Well, there have been other people that have made a connection.
J   (laugh)  But you’d like him to be one because he committed suicide.
B   I don’t think he did.  If he’s connected with Watergate, I don’t think he did commit suicide.
J   Well, he did commit suicide.  What the hell are you saying?
B   I’m saying he committed suicide, like Kennedy was shot with one bullet.
J   I don’t understand you, Barbara.  Is he connected with Watergate or not?  You just said he was.
B   If he was, I don’t think he committed suicide, I think he was murdered.
J   Well, I mean, what if he isn’t?
B   If he isn’t, then maybe he’s a suicide.  But you wait and see, Jack, you laugh, you laugh, you wait and see.
J    No, I’m not laughing at this, this is something you pick out of a blue sky, and the guy commits suicide, and then you say—[A lot of the talk shows connect him with Watergate.]  Will you wait till I’m finished, Big Mouth.  Now here’s a guy commits suicide and you say, Well, if he’s connected with Watergate—
B   I think it was made to look like suicide, if he was connected with Watergate.  [Aw, Barbara, you—]  Just like there were some connected with Kennedy that were made to look like suicides, accidents, all kinds of things.
J   Barbara, anybody that commits suicide these days has to be involved with the big thing in the news.  Here you’re telling me before you even read the thing that he’s connected with Watergate.
B   A few months ago you wouldn’t have believed Watergate.  I could have told you I thought there were all kinds of skullduggery and that Mitchell was a crook and a criminal and a phony, and you wouldn’t have believed it.  [True.]  So stick around
J   But don’t be dreaming things up ‘cause a guy commits suicide.
B   Okay.  This may be something else altogether, but I wonder a little about Mrs. Hunt, and I hope nobody else will die, but I think more people will die because there were five people, Erlickson and
J   But you don’t feel that Mrs. Hunt possibly would have died just from general causes?  People die every day.
B   But an awful lot of people died connected with the Kennedy assassination.
J   But there were thousands of people associated with it.  Did you ever hear about the witnesses that they called on?
B   Then there were witnesses that said, Thank you, I don’t want to say anything because I’m a little nervous, I’ve heard about all these other people who were witnesses—[Aww, they’re a little nervous, get outta here.]—and something has happened to them.
J   There was nobody that had anything to say about the Kennedy association that wasn’t willing to spill it out.  Nobody.
B   That’s not so, Jack.  That’s just not so. There were people that were willing to spill out information that these Warren investigators never got to.  They didn’t think what they had to say was significant or important, or so they said.  Read Mark Lane  [That’s what he says, Barbara.]  Are you reading it? 
J   But you see, Warren says one thing, Mark Lane says another, so you believe Mark Lane.
B   Justice Warren himself says the full truth will not be known until 40 years after his death. 
Hogwash! That’s not what he said.  Somebody said he said that.
Inserted 5-28-2012
    The CIA is behind it all. That's the conclusion of Mae Brussell — one of America's foremost assassination experts — a researcher who has collected every pertinent newspaper story, every book, every document since the Watergate break-in four years ago on the night of June 17, 1972.

J  Why did you get out your compact?  To see if you cheeks are pink after that long speech?  I could have told you they are.
B   I didn’t want you to miss one gram of my beauty.
 J  (laugh) You dole it out in grams?
B  Milligrams.
B   I watched National Geographic.  It was about Dr. Leaky and his wife.
J   Hahaha!  Dr. Leaky? 
B  Okay, Jack. 
J   Hah hah, that’s funny! 
B   And you're the one who acted so shocked the first time I ever used that four-letter word.
J    I don’t mean that kind of leaky. You could have a leaky faucet.  It’s a funny name.
B   It’s no funnier than Beers.
J   Oh, of course it is.  Imagine having the name of Leaky Beers. I’d rather be named Jack Beers any day.   
B   Do you know how many stories you ruin by taking my first sentence, and picking it apart?  [I’m sorry.]  What was it the other day about. . .  Oh, people that are afraid to fly and those who won’t admit they’re afraid to fly.  I get one sentence into my story and you start picking.
J    I know it.  I’m terrible that way, I really am.  Tell me about the Leaky couple.
B   Dr. Leaky and his wife have spent thirty years convinced that man originated in Africa.  They didn’t have much to go on except a piece of stone he’d found that was very old, and he was sure it must have been shaped by a man.  His wife was out looking one day . .  . [Looking at Leakey?]   While he was doing the digging for the day, she picks up this jawbone.  It was exactly what they’d been trying to find for thirty years. They looked some more and finally found a few bones of a man with a better-developed brain who must have lived at about the same time.  Two million years ago.
J   Did they say how they can tell how old it was?
B   I think they tell from the radium or something. 
J   How radioactive the bones are, maybe
B   That’s the word, Jack.  He named their first discovery something that means African man.  He named the next one Homo something or other.  They were from the same period, but one was much smarter than the other.  Neither one of them was very beautiful.
J   I believe it.  We’ve come to be beautiful.  We weren’t always.
B   Here’s to you, beautiful man, and thank you for all your labors today.  
J   Oh, you’re welcome.Mostly what I did isn’t that obvious, you know.  You can’t go up and rake a roof and have anybody know about it.  
B   How were things at home?
J    Oh Jeez, busy.   Nobody was home when I got there, and within two hours everybody was. Wayne showed up.  He looks like Mark Spitz, sort of.  He’s not a bad kid, as far as I know.  Carol seems happy with him.
B   He was the one you didn’t like in the beginning?
J    No, I always liked him, but at the time I didn’t like his thinking. 
B   How did he get into what he’s doing now?
J   He’s in security at some air force base up in New Hampshire.  He’s got a dog that sniffs marijuana, and he goes through the barracks and other places with the dog.
B   What an unpopular job.  I should think he’d be the kind of kid you’d love.
J    That’s what I said to Carol.  It’s not going to make him too popular.  But it doesn’t bother him.  Some kids would say, I don’t want to go in there causing trouble with the boys if they want to have a few.  He doesn’t look at it that way. 
B   He’s just your cup of tea.  How could you have found better if you’d looked the world over? 
J    Don’t be smart. 
B   How old is he now?  About nineteen, right? 
J    Right.  You know, for a kid, he can take it.   No matter what I say to him, he sure can take it.  He’s a likeable kid.  He tells you how groovy your shirt is.  What were you doing while I was gone?
B   Showering.  Fixing my hair.  I worked a little more in the yard.   I watered the vegetables, and I watered what I did over there by Kathie’s ramp.  And I admired what I did for a while. 
J   Well listen, you deserve that.  That’s the satisfaction of doing things.  What are you going to do with the ramp?  Is that going to stay there?
B   As long as Kathie needs it.  She came over regularly last summer.  She loves the swimming pool. 
    I’m going to ask Celeste Churchill if she’ll go to our dance.  [Who?]  That cute little vivacious girl with the gray hair, do you remember her?  Oh, you know her because you have a name in common.  Leaky, was it?
J    Hahaha, no. 
B   I used to have a hard time with Beyer.  Particularly when I was little, the teachers always mispronounced it Bayer.  The kids would all giggle.  “Barbara Bare.”
J   Who’d like to see Barbara Bare?” 
B   You missed Barbara Bare this morning.  I did a few lengths in the pool. 
J    Did you really?  I sure did, I missed it completely.   I didn’t miss it one morning, though. 
B  I know.
J   You wouldn’t have known if I didn’t tell you.  It was fantastic, honest to goodness.  It’s once in a lifetime, you know.  You just don’t see those things.
B   It could be twice every weekend if you wanted to get yourself up and look out the window.  .
J    If anybody had ever told me that I would be at somebody’s house and be the prime guest, and if you got up early enough you could see this.  I’d have said, “Naw, that’s movie stuff.”
 B   Every once in awhile, I’d say maybe four or five times during all the years we lived in Cohasset, our drunken guests would decide they were going to go swimming. 
J   They’d go in naked?
B   Uh-huh.  They’d go down to the beach with towels wrapped around them.  One time they were running around the beach nude, and our neighbor saw them.  He was checking on what was going on, because our parties weren’t very quiet.  [Who’s he?]  Mr. McKenna, our next-door neighbor.  I got the word that he was shocked.
J   Was this about nudity on the beach, or just noise?
B   Our parties were always noisy, so it must have been the nudity. . . .

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